Memories. The kind that flashes in front of your eyes for no apparent reason. Or there is a trigger. Must be a trigger in color, smell, food, drinks. Even the music that you listen to.
The worst things about memories is it happened in past tense, means… it happened. Things happened. The kind of things that you wish didn’t happen. And there’s nothing about that, that you can do anymore. There is no going back in time.
Revisiting those memories in unexpected ways, caught us unprepared. Some are the things that changed our life forever. Our sense of self is violated, taken away, never to be talk about again.
But that day, a part of us left in that piece of memory. It left in that exact time, exact day, exact year. Exact moment. You know why that exact moment happened and you will do everything to re-do that again. But such is decision. It’s made and it’s done.
That rotting part of you held grudges to the world. You’d blame yourself. In order to make yourself feel better, you blame something or someone else. God, parents, siblings, teachers, partner… even pets. And that’s okay. It’s not your fault things didn’t happen your way. How could you imagine this happening?
I’m sitting on my altar on the night of Full Moon in Scorpio. There is a burst of emotions, just running wild and letting loose under the beaming Super Flower Moon. And messages keep repeating, let go, let go.
What is there to let go?
I surrendered everything to the Universe. But not my memories. Painful ones. Happy ones. Especially happy ones. I want to keep living those moment because it makes me feel happy. But I am not living in the CURRENT moment. And I’m not being fair to myself because happiness doesn’t last.
There are days sadness will visit you. Accompanied by hopelessness and loneliness. And you prefer sitting alone in silence.
So I wrote a letter to the moon.
And I wrote a long one; on memories that I hold on to so dearly, that I don’t want to let go. The memories that hurts me badly, that I can’t let go. Because they happened to me, for me. And taught me important lessons in the school of Universe. But now it’s time to send it back to the Universe. These memories should go on now.
I put the piece of paper in a tin and buried it with stalks of cat mint under the Full Moon.
The whole night it burned.
As the memories become ashes, I’m letting go of it.