Category: The Fountain Tarot

Memories. The kind that flashes in front of your eyes for no apparent reason. Or there is a trigger. Must be a trigger in color, smell, food, drinks. Even the music that you listen to.

The worst things about memories is it happened in past tense, means… it happened. Things happened. The kind of things that you wish didn’t happen. And there’s nothing about that, that you can do anymore. There is no going back in time.

Revisiting those memories in unexpected ways, caught us unprepared. Some are the things that changed our life forever. Our sense of self is violated, taken away, never to be talk about again.

But that day, a part of us left in that piece of memory. It left in that exact time, exact day, exact year. Exact moment. You know why that exact moment happened and you will do everything to re-do that again. But such is decision. It’s made and it’s done.

That rotting part of you held grudges to the world. You’d blame yourself. In order to make yourself feel better, you blame something or someone else. God, parents, siblings, teachers, partner… even pets. And that’s okay. It’s not your fault things didn’t happen your way. How could you imagine this happening?

I’m sitting on my altar on the night of Full Moon in Scorpio. There is a burst of emotions, just running wild and letting loose under the beaming Super Flower Moon. And messages keep repeating, let go, let go.

What is there to let go?

 

 

I surrendered everything to the Universe. But not my memories. Painful ones. Happy ones. Especially happy ones. I want to keep living those moment because it makes me feel happy. But I am not living in the CURRENT moment. And I’m not being fair to myself because happiness doesn’t last.

There are days sadness will visit you. Accompanied by hopelessness and loneliness. And you prefer sitting alone in silence.

That’s okay.

So I wrote a letter to the moon.

And I wrote a long one; on memories that I hold on to so dearly, that I don’t want to let go. The memories that hurts me badly, that I can’t let go. Because they happened to me, for me. And taught me important lessons in the school of Universe. But now it’s time to send it back to the Universe. These memories should go on now.

I put the piece of paper in a tin and buried it with stalks of cat mint under the Full Moon.

The whole night it burned.

As the memories become ashes, I’m letting go of it.

When Biddy said sometime we all become lost in our interpretation because we are so used to do readings, I know this hits close to home. Tarot reading was healing, but also generates income for me. I am happy to be paid, to heal and explore the visualization of manifestation in the form of illustration.

For the challenge of Day 4, I chose to work with The Fountain Tarot. This deck never really sat there for me as a story line, and I challenged myself to look into this deck with different perspectives today. So here it be.

I asked the question: Where do my inspiration (for creativity) comes from?

My three cards are: King of Wands, Ten of Wands, and Queen of Swords.

When I saw these card, immediately what I think is my astrological sign, and here it goes:

Often associated with the astrological sign of Sagittarius, the King of Wands signifies wise, open, positive, adventurous masculine energy. As with all court cards, the King can indicate a literal person in your life; most often a man with hair on the lighter end of the spectrum. When the King appears, you are likely to have an abundance of energy which you are inclined to use in a positive direction.

As a Sagittarius sun person, I always feel like my flow of creativity is tremendously a lot. I can have new ideas everyday, and work on many projects at the same time. I think inspiration comes in many way for me, and definitely this masculine energy comes from my ancestor power. Though I think my closest ancestor is a Capricorn, something told me that he was in the middle of it, and this energy kind of latch to me when he passed away. This brought me to tears, to be cared of in such a way.

When Ten of Wands jumped out, it was really hard for it to come out of the deck. It seems troublesome, challenging, and heavy. I think my deck are quite light when I first started shuffling, and it just got a little bit heavier. Ten of Wands want me to understand that these continuous energy and creativity flow takes toll on me. I admit that I have been neglecting my mental health for sometime now, and I treat my manic situation as the time for me to work harder. This wasn’t what I dream of being creatives, and it is telling me so.

Then lastly Queen of Swords appeared. At times, the Swords cards, representing Air element, it justifies my Libra moon and to be ruled by Venus. A lot of my work revolves around things that I love, and no matter how much I love-hate them, I need to draw boundaries on it now. Most of these are related to relationships in my own community, where I made definite decisions to cut cords with what doesn’t serve me good anymore.

So here it is for Day 4: I am feeling that I’m closer to my deck than I was before. I can’t really find ways to talk to them like they are listening and doing their best to advice me everyday. This felt heavy and reflective of my daily life, and I’m taking it easier on myself these days. These readings will flow by itself, by their own means. I believe so.